PITTSBURGH — American Eagle announced a series of ads highlighting how good black people are at playing basketball in an attempt at a major course…
ITHACA, N.Y. — Tenants of a local punk house solved their issue of not having a working doorbell by smashing a huge hole into the…
As a lifelong punk coming up on my 29th birthday, I’m starting to have a lot of realizations about life: maybe my dad was right…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives announced a new federally funded program asking the incel community to voluntarily trade in…
PARMA, Ohio — Local lummox Andrew Creosote felt a vague sense of accomplishment Tuesday morning when he uncharacteristically stood up triggering a congratulatory message from…
Well, shit. Your favorite band is coming to Sturgis next week, and you’re not about to let Big Brother keep you from attending just because…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A stunning rendition of The Beatles’ 1965 hit “Yesterday” by busker Alan Wentzel was completely overshadowed by an unhoused man masturbating in…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Major companies are reportedly scrambling to come up with workplace perks that can rival masturbating freely in the comfort of their own…
When I got hired as Jack Black’s assistant, I was stoked thinking it would be an easy gig of picking up lunches of gourmet Panda…
PUEBLO, Colo. — Metalhead James Kingor concluded that it’s just easier to let his family think he’s goth instead of constantly explaining the intricacies of…
Another week has come and gone and we are no better for it. In fact, some would argue we are far worse. Luckily we are…
ATLANTA — Hooters announced that it would be closing dozens of stores nationwide as part of a bankruptcy restructuring plan, as their customer base has…
Listen, times are tough. Global trade alliances are collapsing, resource scarcity is escalating, and it’s getting harder each day to convince yourself that war is…
FREDERICK, Md. — Veteran road warrior and merch guy for international touring powerhouse, Bashful Dominatrix, revealed that he was dying from a terminal illness and…
NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Local doctor, and self-described nihilist, recommended more sleep for better mood, improved brain function, and a faster return to the endless…