Are You a Bad Enough Dude to Rescue the Economy?

This is capital-C Classic.  This guy, George Magnus, writes an attention-grabbing headline, teases us with glosses of basic Marxist theses like overproduction/underconsumption and immiseration, and then provides five concrete policy proposals.  I bet you're thinking, 'Great!  It would be nice to hear some real proposals from a Marxist perspective in the discourse!' Well, here they are, Minimus's five planks to save the world, copied straight from the secret diary of Karl Marx that he found hidden in the cupboard of his North London flat:

First, we have to sustain aggregate demand and income growth, or else we could fall into a debt trap along with serious social consequences ... Cutting employer payroll taxes and creating fiscal incentives to encourage companies to hire people and invest would do for a start.

Second, to lighten the household debt burden, new steps should allow eligible households to restructure mortgage debt,or swap some debt forgiveness for future payments to lenders out of any home price appreciation.

Third, to improve the functionality of the credit system,well-capitalized and well-structured banks should be allowed some temporary capital adequacy relief to try to get new credit flowing to small companies, especially. Governments and central banks could engage in direct spending on or indirect financing of national investment or infrastructure programs.

Fourth, to ease the sovereign debt burden in the euro zone,European creditors have to extend the lower interest rates and longer payment terms recently proposed for Greece.

Fifth, to build defenses against the risk of falling into deflation and stagnation, central banks should look beyond bond-buying programs, and instead target a growth rate of nominal economic output. This would allow a temporary period of moderately higher inflation that could push inflation-adjusted interest rates well below zero and facilitate a lowering of debt burdens.

Maximin's lead-in is wonderfully confusing.  He sets up the proposals making you think that these are going to be MARXIST solutions for MARXIST problems.  Then you read the first sentence: ...uhh, sustaining aggregate demand?  Sounds a little more like Keynes than Marx.  By the end of the paragraph: ...seriously?  Cutting payroll taxes and new hiring incentives is your solution to sustaining aggregate demand?  You just took me from Marx through Keynes all the way back to fucking Obama in one paragraph.  Thanks, asshole.

On the whole the program is laughably tepid even from the perspective of someone like Paul Krugman, let alone Marx: cut payroll taxes, refinance mortgages (for 'eligible households'), give banksters some more money (important!), don't destroy Greece's economy, and have central banks 'target a growth rate of nominal economic output'.  I assume here he means inflation targeting.  Of all of them, only inflation targeting would help the global economy in any substantial way.

Now, I understand that this guy's intent is to study Marx so that Marxism doesn't happen.  I get that.  Problem is, the last time capitalism faced a crisis on this scale, Keynesian solutions were the ones that worked.  So what's this guy doing sitting around sounding like Alan Greenspan?

Well, at least the illustration is cute.